Jesters v. Headley – Sunday 31^st July 2005

Overcast conditions, a green strip, use of one ball for the entire match and inside knowledge that the opposition’s best batsman would be 90 minutes late led to uncharacteristic unanimity from all XI self-proclaimed experts about the merits of bowling first when Jesters met Headley recently.

Inevitably, it was irrelevant. Jesters lost the toss and were inserted.

Exaggerated lateral movement led to the early loss of Yogesh Patel and Nabil Bhatti, bringing together two more young blades, Matthew Ansbro and Taussif Mehdi. Both batted excellently, with Ansbro’s use of the orbits of rural Surrey neatly complementing Mehdi’s more terrestrial approach. Closing in on three figures, Ansbro was dismissed in bizarre fashion, having launched another towering blow. Using the thigh-high boundary rope like Muhammed Ali in the famous ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ fight with George Foreman, the Headley long-on rebounded into play, proudly clutching the ball.

Local rules dictate that catches may be legally claimed by agile, enterprising fielders who mount any of the benches that surround the Headley ground; or who lean on the short section of rope close to the pavilion. Given that the last time this rule was invoked was in the 1800s, no-one was able to debate the point from a position of strength. Ansbro had to vacate the stage and explain the scenario to his wife who had just arrived in time to see her hero move to a hundred in his first Jesters appearance.

A cluster of wickets followed, bringing to the crease another Jesters debutant, William Orr. A cardiologist by day, he passes thread-like wires across the blocked coronary arteries of the high-living residents of Oxfordshire. Here, with similar precision and bearing a resemblance to that other great Kentish strokeplayer Colin Cowdrey, he persuaded the scarlet rambler through unseen gaps in the Headley defence, steering his side to a healthy 249-7 at the declaration.

After 80 minutes batting, with the Headley score at 140-1, things looked unpromising for the Jesters, but the game turned on a moment of fielding brilliance. Nabil Bhatti, last year’s hero with the ball, executed a modern day slide-and-pick-up after a nudge to third man. For most of the Jesters playing membership, such a manoevre would have been a painful exercise and resulted in a humiliating visit to the orthopaedic surgeon. Here, it was followed by an exocet-like throw and removal of the bails by the consistently elegant and excellent Hancock.

The lock to the Headley safe had been picked.

Attempts to maintain momentum were strangled by a parsimonious spell of bowling from Patrick Orr, brother of William. Counting runs conceded with the same attention to detail as his firm counts minutes of dispensed legal advice, his Flintoffian heavy balls amputated the supply of boundaries. This suffocating pressure led to injudicious shot selection at the other end; rich pickings were the result for Bhatti who pocketed 5 wickets like an Artful Dodger operating in an atmosphere of unease created by his Bill Sykes counterpart.

The final Headley ember faded when their captain, a powerful hitter, skied a ball to deep mid-wicket where Mehdi took the catch with the aplomb of a Bow Street Runner copping robbers. The innings folded but the final margin (70 runs) did not adequately represent that it was closely fought for 90% of the afternoon’s endeavour.

Beer, sausages and hospitality were up to their usual, peerless, standard.